How to Be More Assertive in a Relationship

Assertiveness is a valuable skill in marriage because it leads to positive and productive exchange of ideas between husband and wife.

What is Assertiveness?

Before we move on, it might be helpful to define what is meant by the word “assertiveness.”
Assertiveness is the ability to express oneself without hesitation or fear, while still respecting the opinions and rights of others.
A person with poor assertive skills risks encountering significant problems down the road, including:

• Unmet needs and desires
• Powerlessness and vulnerability
• Reluctance to address marital problems
• Abuse

On the other hand, a person who practices assertive behavior doesn’t easily fall victim to feelings of frustration, neglect or disregard.

Signs of Passive, Aggressive and Passive-Aggressive Abuse in Marriage

Before you can discover how to be more assertive in a relationship, you need to be able to recognize patterns of passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive behavior.

• Passive – In a passive relationship, one spouse fails to stand up for their convictions, rights and individual thoughts. This perceived meekness is really just a lack of courage to defend their self-worth. This passivity leads to personal devaluation and leaves a person at the mercy of a partner who dominates, controls and mercilessly demands change.

• Aggressive –Spouses who practice aggression may use intimidation, blame and manipulation to get what they want. They make demands rather than gentle requests. Aggression often – but not always – leads to verbal, psychological or physical violence.

• Passive-aggressive – In this scenario, spouses fail to convey their emotions directly. Instead of verbally communicating their disagreements, concerns or feelings, they opt for non-verbal expressions, including the “silent treatment” or the slamming of doors.

Reclaim Your Confidence with Assertiveness Training

Problems of passivity, aggression or passive-aggressive conduct can be eliminated from a marriage with the right assertiveness training.
These programs instruct couples how to be more assertive in a relationship and how to have better communication.
Under the guidance of a certified marriage and assertiveness coach, husbands and wives gain helpful tips that will help them to successfully articulate their needs and desires.
Couples are taught to:

• Understand one’s personal rights
• Avoid angry confrontations
• Say “no” when one means “no”
• Listen to what the other person has to say
• Use “I” statements
• Make expectations clear
• Take responsibility for one’s own behavior
• Develop positive communication habits